One month

Exactly one month ago today I was admitted into FV’s partial hospitalization program and its been a week and a half since I was discharged. I can’t believe how fast this month went and how much I’ve changed.

On my first day I was scared out of my mind. I was pulled out a couple times in the morning but nobody from the ED unit told me what was going to happen so I was extremely anxious when we headed over there. The first thing they did was give me a snack and I had a really hard time. In fact, I had to bring my milk with when I met with the nurse and doctor the first time. He was intimidating and told me I needed an ensure for the milk I didn’t finish. Luckily I didn’t get one that time, but by the time I got back to group it was almost lunch. I didn’t get anywhere close to finishing and got my first run in with ensure (absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever tasted, maybe I’ll make a post about them one day). After lunch we went back to the PHP groups. The first few days I was having such high anxiety that I didn’t get much out of them. I didn’t want to recover. I didn’t want to really be there.

By my third week I was able to finish lunch. I encouraged other girls. I was getting so much out of ED group and the adult ones. I had grown so close to the other girls. PHP was saving my life and I didn’t want it to end for school. I wanted to try to recover. I could see a glimmer of hope and what life could be like without Ed.

I truly believe I wouldn’t be here without going to PHP. I certainly wouldn’t be in college. I would have ended up very sick. I am so thankful for everyone there and everything the staff did. They are amazing.

I am not 100% pro recovery. It’s been a lot harder than I anticipated. I have more reason to try now though. I don’t give into Ed as easily and I don’t follow those thoughts as fully as I did. I call that progress. I’m very hopeful to continue this progress as I start therapy this week. I have so many resources and support people and a great treatment team. I am going to beat Ed one day.

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