Taking care of myself

This isn’t something I am good at, not at all.

Even before the eating disorder, I have never really liked myself or felt any reason to be nice to myself. It just didn’t make sense Why would I deserve good things if I wasn’t a good person?

Today, my view of myself really isn’t much better, however, I am trying my best to not do such harmful things. This goes way beyond eating right and not overexercising. I have to work hard to stop any negative thoughts because thinking this way takes me further into the black hole of mental illness that I am so desperately trying to climb out of.

It isn’t an easy task. At this moment, I honestly don’t want to do any good for myself or my body, so I’m listing some reminders of why I’m not as terrible as the voices are telling me:

  • I am a youth leader. The girls love me and I am helping them by being there.
  • I am good in school. I’m not perfect but I am good.
  • My friends tell me I have a big heart and that I am supportive. They wouldn’t lie to me.
  • Jenny says I am making progress. This is an amazing thing. I have worked too hard not to be happy with progress.
  • I have gained weight but this has brought me nothing but more happiness and light in my eyes.

I think I’m going to write out this list and add more to it so I can have it to look back on. I have to fill my mind with these positive truths and get rid of the evil lies Ed and the negative voices try to get me to believe.

2 thoughts on “Taking care of myself

  1. Don’t listen to all the awful things Ed tells you about yourself. You are a lovely person and you deserve recovery and health and happiness!

    Like

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