Usually when I don’t think through things to make a decision, I end up doing something negative. I’ll restrict or exercise or otherwise follow the Ed voice most of the time.
Today’s decision, on the other hand, was very positive. I chose to go to the Christian Fellowship Club with a friend after class. I LOVED it. It’s a small group and we’re the only girls, but it’s nice. Everyone else was so kind and I think it will be good for me to be spiritually challenged once a week. It’s spending time with people. It’s getting to be away from Ed.
I was able to eat lunch after our meeting. I had strength. I feel good today. I feel better than i have.
Usually i have a really hard time meeting new people. I’m always afraid of how badly they will think of me. These people didn’t see me the way I do though. They didn’t see someone who feels overweight. They didn’t see me as struggling and not put together. They saw me as a child of God. They saw me exactly how God sees me. I want to see myself that way. Our conversation was about our identity as Christians and it was exactly what I needed to hear. We are all God’s masterpieces. It doesn’t matter how broken I feel because God is going to use that brokenness to do His work.
I want to continue to strengthen my faith. I want to be able to see the real me. I want to lean on God and follow His plans for me. This is another way I am going to get to do that and I am excited. This year is going to be different from lat in the best way.