I feel so full.

Today was amazing. I knew it would be good and fun but it was even better than expected. I am full of love and life and happiness.

We went apple picking with a group from our church and then came back and baked apple pies. Before all that, we had church, sunday school, and a luncheon.

The message today was really really good. It spoke to me because it was all about how God will bring you through battles that will ultimately make you stronger. My eating disorder is the hugest battle in my life right now and I am beginning to see how I can use my testimony and all of that pain I’ve gone through as something positive.

On that note, I took Kim aside because I wanted to touch base with her on telling the high school girls and how I could prepare. We had a really great talk. She is beyond supportive and understanding. I couldn’t ask for a better support outside of therapy and MH professionals. We decided to hod it off an extra week because she and a couple of girls won’t be there next week, but by doing that we will be making a much better time arrangement. The boys all will be paint-balling so we’ll have just girls meet up and talk then go to the park or coffee shop. I am going to talk some about my past before the ED and then really focus on my struggle and how my relationship with God has been affected. I have some great verses I’ve found about beauty and things that I’ll share too. I want to make them comfortable but also have them see me as who I really am: broken but made whole b God. I want them to ask questions or come to me for things they have going on too. I have no doubt that they will also be supportive as well. I was pretty nervous at first, but as I talk more with Kim and plan it out I am glad to be doing this. I am also thankful to have her there because I know it will still be hard to talk about. I am praying for the right words and that I can make some kind of impact on them.

I didn’t end up helping with sunday school today and instead prepared lunch with some other women. It was pretty fun and we joked around tons as always. Lunch was walking tacos and it was pretty doable. I freaked out a bit but in the end I ate. It definitely helped to have my middle school girls sitting at the table because I had huge motivation to eat right.

After lunch we finally headed to the orchard. The car rides there and back were a huge highlight. I sat by the sweetest little girl and two HS girls and showed them tons of chinchilla pictures. We also played around with some of the boys there. I don’t think there was more than a minute where we weren’t laughing. Apple picking was also great. We ended up with 12 bushes and ate tons of apples too.

Baking pies was so so fun too. I was on the mixing/filling pies table with some HS girls and we had a blast. I was really glad to spend time with them since I hadn’t too much before. We baked 110 apple pies and had lots of laughter, smiles, and stolen apple pieces as we “tested if they were edible.”

I don’t feel so alone anymore. I have my church family and they are the best people I could ever ask for. I was hugged no less than 20 times today from youth girls, an adorable one year old, Rick, Kim, and so many others. I am loved. They all believe I deserve to be happy. They all see so much worth in me. Many of them look up to me. It doesn’t matted what the ED voice tries to say because nothing can take away how any of them feel.

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