I was planning on posting about this yesterday and then today and now even though Ed has me in a sour mood I won’t let him ruin my happiness from yesterday.
Moving on, yesterday started out pretty good but I woke up after barely any sleep and with tons of anxiety. I went to church alone but joined a few other “orphans” so I didn’t have to sit by myself. I immediately found Kim after church and
flipped out had her reassure me it would be okay and finalized a time for our outing. I helped with Sunday school then headed home until the outing.
Kim is amazing. I may say this about 27 times this post but seriously, it’s true. She’s very insightful and could tell I was still anxious. Her daughter Jamie*, Amber*, and Claire* were the only girls who showed up (out of 7 total). This actually was a huge blessing and I know God planned it that way. Jamie came up with the idea to go to Starbucks and Amber announced that it was adoption day at Petco so Kim quickly decided we had to do both. This gave me an extra hour or so until we went to the beach and I truly appreciate her for that.
We headed out to Starbucks and got our drinks, then went off to Petco. I think we probably spent close to 45 minutes there. It was so so fun! There were tons of kittens and we stopped to pet each one of course. Having that extra time to just relax calmed my nerves a ton.
It was the perfect day for going to the park and beach. We had a nice walk through the woods that took quite a while since Kim stopped us for pictures a ton :). The whole time was lighthearted and all of us were laughing and smiling. Once we reached the beach we spent some time soaking in the sun and scenery. Something about the waves and beachy air calmed my nerves more. After we got a few more pictures, Kim kind of nudged me to say it was time to tell them. Thankfully, a picnic table up on the walkway was free so we took camp up there.
Kim started us off in a lovely prayer and then explained that I would be sharing my story. I was a little shaky and fumbled words, but I got through nearly all of what I wrote. Ed was screaming at me the whole time. That on top of the uncomfortable feeling that being so vulnerable gives you made it tough. I wanted to discredit myself afterwards but Kim wouldn’t let me. She kept gong on about how proud she was of me and how well i did.
After I was done the girls didn’t have too much to ask so we headed back. I chatted with Kim on the walk back while the girls stayed behind and talked together. We all jumped back in the car and went to my house.
Originally they were just dropping me off but it turned into a half hour ordeal because I had to show them Mr. Milo :). It was a great way to end. We needed something a little more lighthearted after all of the negativity an eating disorder involves.
The true highlight of yesterday was when Claire commented/texted me about the afternoon. She thanked me again and again for sharing my story, told me she loved getting to know me, that I was part of their little family now, and said that all of the girls would be helping me on Friday when there’s food at the lock in. That made me cry and I still am so happy thinking about it. I know this was the right thing to do.
Overall, I am glad I did this. It needed to come out and the girls reacted so well. I still will have to share with the remaining four girls but I’m not scared fr it. I pray that God can use this struggle as a way for the girls to connect with me or open discussion in our small groups. I am not letting Satan destroy me through this disorder anymore and now I have even more support behind me to fight it.
*I am using pseudonyms for the girls to protect their identities