Self care

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This is the first time I've done this outside of therapy with Jenny pulling teeth... It actually IS helping.

I don’t really have many thoughts tonight. It’s been a rough day. Eating was an uphill battle. I don’t have supervision.

Normally this is a huge opportunity for Ed to force me to overexercise. Last week this time I certainly would be right now.

Today, however, is much different than last week. I made a commitment, not just an “I’ll try harder” or a halfhearted “I am going to recover,” but a signed decree for divorce. This is hard core recovery, not just baby steps or plateauing or anything like I’ve done before. I am truly committed to pushing myself as hard as I can every single day. I know I’ll have slip ups but I am not going to sit around and let them happen. I am not letting Ed take me down without a fight.

So, back to tonight. I am doing self care. I am going to relax and watch TV and try to stop any advances Ed tries to make. I am not body checking or weighing myself or going on that treadmill. I am not going to wallow. I am not going to grieve my old body. I am embracing the girl I’m becoming, not the lifeless slave to Ed and Satan I used to be.

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