Refeeding…

is making me question recovery.

I already feel incredibly uncomfortable with my body right now. Divorce from Ed or not, I knew that was coming. I have dealt with it pretty well actually. I’m using coping skills and Ed thoughts in their tracks and just everything else I’m supposed to. I’m reminding myself at least daily (sometimes each meal) that food is fuel and medicine and weight gain doesn’t matter. I truly am trying my best and succeeding!

The thing I never accounted for and am now dealing with is Refeeding Syndrome. You can read more about it here but essentially my body has gone into complete freakout zone since I suddenly decided to feed it all the calories I’ve been keeping from it. To be quite honest, I thought I would be superhuman and somehow bypass this, or at least the worst parts of it. I really didn’t have many signs at first, a little bloating and GI issues but they were so mild I didn’t notice. I wish I could go back to that! For the past few days I’ve had really bad acid reflux  and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even attempt to eat or drink without nearly throwing up. I’ve gone through an entire box of Pepto Bismol and had to take 3 doses last night just to handle youth group! I also have had a ton of dizziness and a “blah” feeling, along with some pretty bad tachycardia (fast heart rate) and exhaustion (well, moire than usual). I’m actually really concerned something is wrong medically where I could need supplements because the first time around (at FV) it wasn’t half this bad and there I was almost put on them. The thing is, my doctor and my parents both think I’ve been doing well since FV when in reality I’ve restricted heavily for the past few months and just am getting back on track.

I don’t really know what to do. I think I need to get my magnesium, phosphorus, and potassium checked at the very least just to make sure I’m okay. I guess if it doesn’t get better in the next few days I should probably head to the doctor.

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