Today marks one whole month since I signed my divorce papers. Whoa. I have to admit, this month went by way faster than expected. I had a feeling it would be slow and grueling with everyday a challenge, but it simply wasn’t the case.
I had bad days and good ones. The thing I’ve noticed the most about the days themselves are that most bad days didn’t dip as low as before and they were fewer. I have worked harder than before to combat the Ed thoughts and use coping skills or distractions. Most of the time it works. Sure, there were days of restriction and overexcercise and complete lack of control but I had days nearly without Ed too. Sometimes it seemed worse than before but I completely believe that’s because I’m finally fighting back. I have no doubt that if I keep going strong and don’t give up it will get easier.
One thing I’ve learned through all of this is the need to be patient with myself. I can’t be perfect in recovery or otherwise. I have to just try hard each day and take it slow. This also applies to my body. I can’t expect it to put up with all of the abuse I gave it and bounce right back. It stinks but I have to give it time. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to look back in a few years, completely recovered, and see how short the hard parts of recovery really were compared to the life I’ll get to have afterwards.
I think it’s very fitting that Rick, Kim, and their family are coming over for dinner tonight. I can’t wait to remind them what a huge day it is and celebrate all I have overcome to get here. It’s also my chance to prove to myself and them that I can survive a meal. Last time they were over I was so engrossed in the eating disorder that I couldn’t enjoy the food or their company. I want today to be different. I am going for balance and peace. I want to have a piece of my mom’s famous stromboli, some salad, maybe a mini sausage or two, and a whole piece of pie. I deserve to eat all of those things. I know Kim will be there supporting me and fighting too. I want tonight to be about fellowship, not food. I know I can accomplish that.
Here’s to a month of divorce and many more to come!