I am blessed with so many things in my life. My family. My health despite the ED. The fact that I am still alive. My girls and the opportunity to be their leader. All of the people who love and support me. My church family. Being able to attend the #3 school in our state (#2 in academics!) next year. My Savior’s love, acceptance, forgiveness, and Grace. The invitation to be an Honors Fellow and acceptance into Honors College (even if I’m unsure about it).
The thing is, I don’t deserve any of it. Not even close.
I know God’s love for me is unconditional and never-ending, but I have never understood WHY. Why would He give me, a broken, imperfect sinner, so many blessings? How could He ever have a plan to use me in some way? If I can’t even begin to see any good in myself how does He?
I’m not going to pretend I know the answer to any of those questions because I certainly don’t. Although no amount of prayer and scripture reading will ever give me full knowledge of these “why’s,” I am trying my best to learn as much as I can about it. After all, I can see God’s work in others and how much they deserve His love. It’s the focusing on me that is harder.
Ephesians 2:10 says this: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” I have this verse highlighted, underlined, and sticky-noted in my bible. It’s one of my favorites, even if I don’t believe it much yet. I am hopeful that one day I will. One day I’ll be able to thank God for everything in my life and actually believe I deserve His love and grace and blessings.