Way way way late so this may be ginormous.

Pows (I’ll try to do these in order)

• My grandpa was in the hospital again almost all of last week. I’ve spent more hours there and visiting him at Pastor’s house than my own. It’s hard. He has congestive heart failure. He is dying. I haven’t shed a single tear over this and I don’t get why. I’m really numb. It’s also been family drama and stress to no end. I just want things to be back to normal again and him to be better.
• School is stress and I am not doing well in my classes
• Got the rejection letter from Honors Fellows
• Not much relaxation during break or at all, unfortunately
• My thoughts have been worse and worse
• Today in therapy Jenny said the D word (depression) and also is calling Paul. It was really exhausting too.
• I feel sick. IBS SUCKS.
• The last few weeks my middle school group has been challenging. It’s hard to want to go every week when most of them act out and don’t even attempt to learn anything. I have a few who truly do though and hope that the others will change. Until then, I have to be the “mean leader” unfortunately.
• Feeling overwhelmed in general and all the time

Wows

• I am thankful for my church so much, especially lately. I feel better when I’m there. It’s nice to feel loved even if I don’t deserve it. I also love the fact that I can change people’s lives with what I do.
• I am trying to be a better friend. I’m not aiming for perfection either which is unlike me.
• Kim has been amazing. She always is but this week I needed that push and support to get help. I am beyond thankful for our friendship.
• I told Jenny, Olivia, and Kim what’s been going on. That was hard. I am hopeful good will come from it.
• Regardless if they know it or not, people around me who say small things out of love are really making me push forward.
• Comedic relief was reading a case study on bulimia and seeing that this girl was 100% cured and done with therapy after 22 sessions. I would die if that happened.
• The bulimia study is actually helping me to realize things I never knew about my own eating disorder.
• Tomorrow is the last day of school for the week. It’s  been a long one but I can relax just a bit after 4:30. Also, way more awesome than the weekend is that Kim and I are doing lunch. It’ll be nice to chat and help each other a little.