I went into today pessimistic but still wanting to try. I promised myself that I would do my best not to focus on all the worry for the future I’ve been dealing with. I’ll be honest, it was a little half-hearted since I was, as I said, overly pessimistic. Even so, I prayed to God that somehow, someway, I could fulfill my promise and have a better day. Boy did He provide!
The start of my day went as expected. We left to begin emptying out my grandpa’s house in the morning. There was a little blip at lunch (forgot my salad and had to improvise = TERRIFYING) but otherwise I had zero negative thoughts or anything. I actually enjoyed digging through everything even if it was a bit gross. It kept my mind off all negativity.
Around 3, I got a text from a girl at work, asking if my brother and I still wanted to go the prayer meeting at their church. I had forgotten all about it. My plan for the night was honestly going to be wallowing. Alec decided he was too tired, but being brave, I said I would go. I was nervous leading up to it but by the time I was riding with Drew’s family there my fears diminished.
My time there was nothing short of amazing. It’s a group led entirely by high school and college kids. We started off with a small devotion, then Ben had us pair up and pray about a few different topics: boldness, our testimony at work, guidance, iron sharpens iron, and being a light. I was paired with Millie from work and it was really good. I love her already but being able to pray and discuss each of the topics while we’re each heading into a college transition was nice. After that a few more shared a mini devotional with some scripture they’d read recently (so good!). We then went around and read verses that impacted us the past week. The official end of the meeting was prayer request and a final group prayer. This time renewed me in so many ways. After that it was time for snack and volleyball! I loved that part too! I think we played for about an hour and my team won twice of course 🙂
Tonight on its own was beyond what I imagined this morning. I’m smiling and happy and I feel free of these thoughts, for not of course, but STILL. This is the first day in weeks where I haven’t spent 80-90% of the day engrossed by the ED. I want to continue it into tomorrow the best I can. We’ll be heading to my grandpa’s yet again, so until mid-afternoon I will be greatly distracted. I have a little plan to fill the rest of my day. The second I get home I’m looking up all the verses I wrote down when we shared scriptures. There’s around 20 and I feel like this will be a god start to my time at home tomorrow. maybe it won’t do the same thing as the prayer meeting did, but I have faith that God and His word can and will transform me. And maybe, just maybe, this night was meant to show me that I need to reach out to Him more and that will aid in my recovery. Time will tell!