Month: June 2016

Life After Residential – 6 months out (!?!?!?)

reviving emilyLeave a comment

Holy cow. 6 whole months since I signed papers, hugged the staff and friends, and stepped on a plane to enter back into the real world. It feels like just yesterday and a million years ago. There isn’t a moment where I’m not thankful for all I learned during my time at CFD, because I wouldn’t be where I am today without it. Realizations in the past sis months:

Motivation for recovery lessens when things start to get hard after the “honeymoon phase.” Much like the spiritual high you receive coming back from church camp, the recovery high after residential fades away. Real life doesn’t come with 24/7 support, a ban on any diet/food/calories/exercise talk, distracting table games, lack of mirrors, others who 100% understand you, and therapy every single day. Without the extra push to recover it has been hard to keep at it. I start shifting toward using exercise to cope and believing a little restriction is okay. Thankfully I’ve now learned to keep motivation up by focusing on my goals and doing recovery for me.

I can get out of a relapse. I feel stronger than ever since beating my first relapse. Seeing my weight was a huge trigger, one that could have sent me into a deep pit I couldn’t get out of. Fortunately, I found my strength in myself through Him. I deserve recovery and I have so much life ahead of me. I don’t need to turn to my eating disorder to deal with things. I can fight urges. In previous relapses, I never wanted to or thought I would be able to fight. There was an entire year spent on the edge of being forced into treatment, FV round 2, and residential. I was sick and couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. A huge factor now is knowing what recovery is like: freedom, joy, truly living, despite struggles.

I am capable on my own. I have relied on therapists, dietitians, friends and mentors, the entirety of treatment staff. While that was absolutely needed during residential and as I transitioned back to life on the outside, it isn’t at all realistic or healthy long-term. At some point I had to take control and responsibility for myself. I can’t have therapy everyday. Sometimes I have gone two weeks. Sure I have had days where I needed someone to rescue me, and then I did get support from others. As time has gone on that hasn’t been the case. I journal, manage my emotions in a healthy way, fight urges, talk to friends about anything but my eating disorder. Heck, today in therapy we didn’t focus solely on the ED and I was able to work through anxieties and other things. I really can’t explain how amazing and empowering it feels being able to stay healthy mostly on my own.

I can share about my eating disorder in a way that isn’t a sad story that I feel is burdening others. Before, I told others about my ED and MH issues out of necessity. I needed support and for people to avoid diet talk. Some relationships were built and consumed by my sickness. I felt guilty for sharing my story because I was broken. I haven’t actually told anyone new in person about this yet, but I am planning that very soon. I’ve prayed about it, and I am going to tell my favorite from work. She has noticed the difference in me now and I want to let her in. I feel such joy about all I have accomplished. Why wouldn’t I want to share openly how I have become resilient through God’s strength? Instead of “look what I am going through” it is “look at what I’ve conquered that’s made me into the person I am today.” I am blessed by this change.

There is no perfection in recovery; I am a work in progress. This is kind of cliché but also true. I have had countless slip ups, even in the past two months coming back from my relapse. Just like my self harm recovery, I have days where I follow urges and compulsively exercise/restrict. These things are normal. I can’t expect myself to be completely recovery-minded 110% of the time nor allow others expectations to affect me negatively. I have learned to forgive and accept my failures in the same way I celebrate my successes. It isn’t a linear process in the slightest.

I am different from the girl who left treatment 6 months ago. (Not talking about my body here). My dreams have multiplied as I realize how much more I am capable of now. I am working very hard to not let food be the main focus in my life. Sure, I probably think about it more often than the average person, but it in’t anywhere near when I first left treatment. Until a month or so ago I was still counting exchanges and being rigid in my diet.I have conquered many fears since coming home. Some examples: being able to eat a healthy amount around basically everyone without struggling (much), trying former fear foods, openness about my story, looking at my body in the mirror. I feel so much joy. I never expected or dreamed of this. I wake up happy, enjoy my job, talk with people, find happiness everyday. I definitely had more a more positive mood coming out of resi but not like this. I have grown in self-love exponentially. Overall, I have been able to discover who I really am along this journey (not what the ED made me).

He makes recovery possible. I have struggled in my relationship with God, especially during my darkest points in my eating disorder. I felt abandoned and unworthy of His love. I am just now seeing how wrong I was. He has been there since Day 1. My faith and relationship with the Father is my number one now, not my ED. It is such a blessing.

It’s crazy to think of all the progress these 6 months have brought. I learned how to deal with everything in a healthy way and without relying on the ED in residential; however, this time has been applying those things. Each day I continue on my recovery journey which all began at a house in San Diego.

Advertisement

TFHR 6/23/16

reviving emily2 Comments

Thoughts

  • How has it been a month since coming home from school? It feels like yesterday and a million years all at once.
  •  I feel free. I am not being held back by anything this summer. I have bad days and I struggle but it’s nothing like before. It’s weird not planning my day around exercise and avoiding food.
  • I am going to soak the rest of this summer in as much as possible, not let it pass by.
  • I wish I never had to work on call shifts. They are not only boring but onely, I love the people I work with and I want to work with them, not alone.

Feelings

  • Worried. My hunger has been nearly nonexistent yet again. I really don’t get that because I am working all the time and housekeeping isn’t easy. The last few days it has affected how I’ve eaten. Some brief ED thoughts have persisted but I know I can get past it. R is helping and I will get through this.
  • Amazed and thankful. My dad yesterday: “Your mom and I are proud of you. You’re doing better with eating and have energy and are so happy now.” My parents, and my dad in particular have done a 180 when it comes to acceptance and support of my ED and MH.
  • Excited. Ludington is coming up already, which is crazy. I’m excited to go home and relax at my favorite place in the entire world.

Happenings

  • I went to the baptist church 3 families at work attend this past Sunday. I have been there a few times already this summer and last but never for Sunday morning and Sunday school. A girl from work invited me and it was wonderful. Sunday school dealt with the same section of scripture and story that my religion prof taught on, so it was interesting to hit it from a different angle. The service was different than what I am used to but I loved the sermon and hymns and really all of it. The fellowship is outstanding there. I got to see many familiar faces, both those I work with and ones I have met there before. They are always inviting and so sweet which makes me feel very loved. I will definitely be back!
  • One of my favorites and I found out we share the same favorite hymn, “It Is Well With My Soul.” Love that and her!
  • Father’s day was spent with my dad and my grandpa on my mom’s side. We went to one of the best restaurants around imo. I didn’t get my usual panino and instead branched out! It was a great time.
  • Ate out for dinner 3 days in a row and completely rocked it. Tuesday we went to a sandwich place, yesterday Mexican, and today I had pizza. I got what I wanted and didn’t freak out or anything. I feel way calmer now going to restaurants. Now I have to work more on variety and not scouring the menu ahead of time, but I really have made progress!
  • I’ve been listening to hymns more instead of typical contemporary Christian and its been a nice change.

Ramblings

  • Men are so ridiculous when it comes to pads, tampons, etc!! We were servicing the other day and one of the guys visibly freaked out upon seeing some unused tampons under a sink. They don’t bite and aren’t dirty or gross. I think maybe men just choose not to think about periods and avoid anything to do with them? It’s annoying but also really funny to watch, considering the same boy that was scared by some tampons killed a huge wasp no problem.

The Future…

reviving emilyLeave a comment

Ever since I’ve become stronger in my recovery and feel the need to live, I have thought more and more about the future. I have goals and dreams I never thought possible. Nearly every plan would be squashed by the eating disorder before. I honestly didn’t have many things I am meant to do that I felt I would be able to accomplish. I no longer need to plan everything around my eating disorder, but can reach for all life has to offer me.

I have had strong prompting about the future. God is directing me down paths I could never imagine. I have and will continue to pray over these things, of course, but I hope to listen to them all as I move forward. Some are rather scary and seem very overwhelming now. Many instances I’ve opened my heart to things that were once a “no way.” I trust that God will make a way and calm my fears. Hopes/dreams/promptings lately:

  • I want to get married. Ever since being so mistreated by my ex-boyfriend of 3.5 years I vowed to never marry. It didn’t seem right for me and the fear that I was unlovable and would only be abused paralyzed me. Suddenly I realized I really DO want a life partner and best friend. I truly don’t want to be a single mom and not be able to give my children the attention they deserve. I was planning on that because I want children more than anything and would do it alone. God has opened my heart to marriage and love, partly through a conversation with a friend at work. I trust that I will find a Godly man who will be exactly what I believed I never deserved.
  • I am going to York. Last April, I discovered a study abroad program to York, England through my school. It is held during spring semester. I had been very disappointed in myself with being held back one more year until nursing when I found the opportunity. Immediately I knew this was why I didn’t fast track to start nursing classes. I will probably write another post on it soon, but for now I’ll just end with how blessed I am. I would never be able to do this without the grace of God and recovery.
  • I will write a book (maybe 2 or 3, who knows!). I have a love for writing. My first story, and not the picture book kind, was written in 5th grade. Since then I have had countless ideas turn into drafts turn into chapters. Blogging has also been a way to write in the everyday sense v working on one thing for months. I’m not sure what type of book I will create, but I’m thinking either a spin on the memoir format, fiction based on what I have gone through, maybe even some sort of devotional. Either way I know that whatever I write will be exactly what I need to.
  • Adoption. Joni and Friends was going on at work for the last 2 weeks. The camp brings together those with special needs (physical, mental, emotional, etc) and their families. I have had some thoughts about adoption, and specifically special needs adoption for around two years. I read about an organization that helps place these children from other countries with families. I was horrified and so saddened by the way they are treated simply for having a disability, but that was it. Adoption has been more on my mind in general lately. I believe that God used Joni and Friends to show me that adoption doesn’t have to be for a perfect, healthy baby. These parents that I’ve seen are so strong and do everything for their children. The kids, no matter how “imperfect” or “unwanted” by society’s standards are loved, happy, and thriving. I saw plenty of the hard times too, of course, but regardless it has changed me. I’ve had recurrent dreams about my future daughter, a little girl who happens to have Down syndrome. I realize that is only a dream and reality may be much different and there are so many extenuating circumstances. That doesn’t change how strongly I feel about adopting a child with Down syndrome. I want to be a mother who can change my child’s life with love and opportunities where despair would have been. I pray that God will let that happen.
  • I will share my testimony/story. I’ve done plenty of sharing online, and even somewhat in person. This is something I love and is helping me (hopefully others too). While it is huge that I’m able to be open and honest with my struggles, this now seems pretty easy. I don’t like easy. I want to talk to others about it, but not in the way I have been. Previously, other than really just two people, I have shared about my ED when it was necessary. I told my roommate and RA mostly to have some accountability and warn them. It felt like there is something wrong with me that is a burden to others. I’m in a different place now and even though I do struggle and will in the future, I want to do this in a more positive way. I am in the process of writing my testimony and have rewritten my story. That is what I want to share with people. Here I am, here is what I came from, here is what I’ve gone through, here is what I am working on, here is where I am going to be one day. I have one dear friend in particular I plan on telling soon, and I am nervous and excited. One day, somehow I will do this on a stage or in front of a group. I will not be a burden but living proof that you can overcome.
  • Medical missions. At some point in my life I want to bring my skills as a nurse to a place that is in need. We are Jesus’ hands and feet. Serving others and bringing them healing is what I am called to do. I want to extend that out from where I will serve in a hospital and into an area with little medical care.

Stages of (Restrictive) ED recovery – where am I?

reviving emilyLeave a comment

Lately I’ve felt pretty terrible, not going to lie. I am really sick of recovery, at least parts of it. Body image has been consistently the hardest part and recently is at an all-time low (I’ve said that before but now is the worst I can remember). I’ll talk about that more in a moment, though. Once again I’m not hungry and food doesn’t usually sound good. I have some feelings of jealousy and resentment. There are so, so many benefits and things I am thankful for that can only happen because of my recovery, but those aren’t at the front of my mind right now. I’ve been beating myself up over this. How could I still have negative feelings when I’m this far in (~7 months since starting resi, 5-6 true recovery)?

I ran across an article I have read a few times before, “Phases of Recovery From a Restrictive Eating Disorder.” Every time I previously skimmed this I was either very sick or in quasi-recovery. It scared the shit out of me. I am a very logical person and use it to calm me, but the ED was way too powerful for that to work here. I’m luckily in a much different head space now and can use the information to further not hinder my recovery.

Currently, my biggest threat to recovery is my body image. I only see myself ballooning more and more when that part should be over by now. I see my stomach which protrudes no matter how much I try to hide it, my hips and thighs that are incredibly large, stretch marks multiplying everyday that all the positive spin in the world can’t help, piles of clothing that no longer fits, fat instead of tone, everything larger than ever in my life. At times it takes every ounce of me to stop from tearing away at my skin. I wish, at times, that I could give in or give up recovery altogether just to make it go away.

Reading this article today has given me hope. I first was sure I was in Stage 3, maybe 4 (the ED fueled horror when I feared it may be the case). I’m actually quite certain my body isn’t there yet, but in Stage 2 still. I obviously have not experienced any sort of weight redistribution or really stopped gaining. That alone has caused hopelessness and other negative emotions. Another clue I may not be in 3 is that I feel like my body is off. I have hunger all over the map. I’m having issues with fatigue, GI problems, and food doesn’t give me the expected energy it should. Lastly, I’m barely at 7 months in recovery max with around a month of relapse. It feels like forever but with all the damage I’ve done it really isn’t. My body doesn’t trust me enough to move past the fear of starvation and pain again, and I don’t trust it in the least bit to handle food correctly, keep from forever ballooning out, and give me correct hunger cues.

Initially knowing I had more ahead until my body would be healthy again was disappointing. I have worked hard, yet none of it was enough to make my body okay again? I’ve thought about that more and now see that this is a good thing. I am still not comfortable – with my body or in my body while experiencing physical issues. This isn’t the end, though, which means that it still gets better from now. I can look forward to more acceptance and the return to a new normal in the future. It really helps me breathe a sigh of relief as I’ve felt so hopeless about the future of my recovery.

On the other side of things, I have become more cautious and aware. I had a relapse because of my failure to accept where I was at physically and not attempt to “fix” it. I know now that this is part of a normal process but one that can be a trap from the ED. This is all temporary that eventually will lead to a healthier me, both inside and out. I need to accept and fight the feelings that threaten to send me back into sickness.

Lord knows I am not healed mentally from my eating disorder. In many ways I never will be. The same thing applies physically. My body isn’t in the end stages of recovery yet, but that is okay. I need to give it time. Now is the prime time for relapse. I can’t go down that road again. It was terrible and terrifying all in one. Right now I need to trust: God and His ability to be my strength in this, my body as it heals, that my disordered thoughts are not real, the truth that it will get easier. I am healing each day and reviving myself more and more.

*Note: I don’t agree with all Your Eatopia has to say on this topic or in general. Nonetheless I do believe this is a good resource.

TFHR 06/09/16

reviving emilyLeave a comment

Thoughts

  • How did I get so lucky with my job? It is the best place I could imagine working. I get to be around great people and it already has nurtured my faith. God put me with these people for a reason last year.
  • Bad body image is sooo gross. I have dealt with it since technically forever, but specifically it grew worse the last few months. For the most part it didn’t affect me really at all. It has now and lead to ED thoughts so that’s fun. I haven’t let that turn into behaviors and I need to trust that a) this will pass and b) what I see in the mirror is not true.
  • The jokes and sarcasm and teasing at work is superb.

Feelings

  • At work: loved, playful, appreciated, supported, needed, wanted, cared for, connected, lighthearted, joyful.
  • Frustrated with various things/people/situations. It isn’t terrible, more so annoying.
  • Proud of myself. I’ve really done well this summer so far. I’m eating enough,enjoying work, taking time for myself, coping with thoughts and behaviors. It has gone much better than I expected and worried about.
  • Tired. My sleep schedule is off still so going to bed anywhere from 12-3am and getting up around 7 most days for a 9am shift, working a 5-7 hr shift, then coming home. Today specifically I tackled the dreaded 6am. I was scheduled 6-12 (everyone else 9-2) but I ended up staying until 1:30 because we had a lot more to service than yesterday. We all love Joni and Friends but it definitely is more work than usual. Perfectly fine because seeing the smiles on their faces is priceless and so so worth it 🙂
  • Happy. My mom and family have noticed, I’ve noticed, J has noticed, coworkers have noticed, even those who had no clue about the ED have noticed. I am smiling and laughing and I really truly mean it. You can tell a huge difference from when it was all a facade to hide my misery.

Happenings

  • Yesterday something amazing happened at work. My boss, J, came up and pulled me aside while we were servicing. Her and M, the assistant manager of housekeeping, had talked and they both want me to lead a crew this summer for turns. I beyond excited! For one, this really shows that all of the work I’ve put in is satisfactory. It also proves that I have earned their respect, and trustworthy, and can be an example to my coworkers. Although I try not to determine my success/failure by others’ approval, I feel like this is an acceptable case. Since coming back to work I was hoping and praying I would have this opportunity, but became discouraged when my brother thought all spots had been filled. I’m grateful and I know this will help me grow as a worker and in general too.
  • My cat Molly almost caught a chippy (chipmunk). This doesn’t seem like a significant event, but she is by far the dumbest animal ever and can barely catch flies. She had her harness and leash on and sat in front of our bird feeder. A chippy was ahead of her so she attempted to run and grab him but she got stopped by the lead and fell backwards. Cat hunter fail
  • Olive currently came and interrupted my late-night blogging by lying on my chest. I don’t mind one bit 🙂
  • Lots and lots of slurpee runs because I was deprived forever. And by slurpee I mean not the 7eleven ones since ours closed years ago. Speedway is my preferred but also Wesco because their popcorn is bomb. If you aren’t in the midwest (Speedway) or West Michigan (Wesco) you are seriously missing out.
  • So our resident ducks may have done the deed in our pool and it was both hilarious and terrifying all at once ahhhh!
  • Today I went 3/4 of the work day with unusually painful feet and blisters from my shoes. Then I realized they were on the wrong feet… #adulting

Ramblings

  • I don’t really talk much about what it’s like living where I do, but I’ve recently realized some things that make me glad I do live here.
    • We are in a very safe area. Besides one very sad abduction case, the worst crimes in my city are speeding tickets, petty robberies (rarely),  and teenagers knocking people’s mailboxes down.
    • The breeze from Lake Michigan is heavenly and unique. Holy cow living in GR for only a few weeks of hot weather was gross. There is no wind at all and it just stays muggy and gross all day. Although sometimes the wind can be pretty strong, its much, much nicer than anywhere more inland. Also, we get a temp drop of 5-10 degrees vs GR!
    • In my county and within ~half hr of driving we have: 3 state parks, at least 10 city parks, huge stretch of beautiful sand beaches, 2 smaller lakes (although Mona Lake is more of a cesspool), 2 Meijer’s (hallelujah), 11+ Wesco’s, tons of yummy restaurants, a few quality school systems, a mall, nice neighborhoods and communities, Michigan’s Adventure (same owners as Cedar Point), and overall just a great place to be. Sure, there are bad parts but I fully believe the good outweighs bad.
    • Maranatha!!!
    • Beautiful nature – lakes, woods, beach, wildlife (deer, turkeys, the occasional fox, small critters, birds, the unfortunate seagulls, lots and lots of fish).

And that’s a wrap!

Feel free to share any thoughts, feelings, happenings, or ramblings you have had lately 🙂

Progress is

reviving emily5 Comments

Measuring progress through my own lens.

Handling urges the best I can even when I so badly want to give up.

Lowering perfectionistic grade standards.

Going out with friends instead of turning them down.

Not needing the “food police” to ensure I eat enough.

Removing outside influences (mainly social media) that are harmful to me.

Being trusted to handle my own medications.

Smiling, laughing, enjoying, loving, socializing, living.

Taking care of my body: resting when it needs rest, fueling it, enjoying movement, keeping it from harm.

Working with my therapist and dietitian instead of fighting them.

Speaking out about what I need.

Asking for help without feeling shame.

Putting my relationship with God above my relationship with self-hatred and the ED.

Seeking out opportunities for fellowship instead of waiting for them to come to me.

Feeling joy and gratitude in the little things.

Work being about serving God not a way to exercise and restrict.

Entering the healthiest summer I have had in at least 5 years.

Trying not to dwell on mistakes I have made.

Feeling so incredibly excited for the future.

Allowing myself to have foods I crave, not only the ever-shrinking safe list.

Approaching clothes shopping in a different way – focusing on what I feel best in, not the sizes.

Calming my anxious thoughts before they become overwhelming.

Coming back stronger from the worst and fastest relapse I have ever experienced.

Others telling me how I look so alive now.

Investing in whatever is helpful for me to continue regulating emotions and negative thoughts.

Plans for the future that are not driven or held back by my eating disorder, anxiety, depression, self-hatred, etc.

Contentment.

Embracing social gatherings with food.

No meticulously planning meals and snacks beforehand.

Moving past the strict meal plan.

Using the energy once taken up by the ED towards everything I love and deserve.

Going a week without therapy and not self-imploding/freaking out/slipping/breaking down.

Trusting that God has this all under control and seeking Him again.

Separating the lies of disordered/irrational thought out from my own.

Sharing my story instead of hiding it from the world.

Choosing spontaneity, not rigidity.

Believing I am more than my problems that weigh me down.

Enjoying and noticing the world around me.

Becoming more passionate about photography.

Coming through so many difficult situations that would have broken me before.

Realizing I am worth so much more than I ever imagined.

 

World Eating Disorders Action Day – Why I care and you should too

reviving emilyLeave a comment

Today marks the first World Eating Disorders Action Day. Just seeing that this is a worldwide event really means something. NEDA week and other campaigns have grown over the years in the US, but rarely have I heard of anything like this across the world. Today we can begin implement change. Key messages and goals include advocating for early intervention and treatment, showing the diversity of ED sufferers, calling for treatment that is more accessible to all who need it, promoting treatment and the truth that recovery is possible, changing policies regarding EDs, and sharing the “nine truths about eating disorders“. More on the goals here and key messages here. The organization’s mission is to “advance understanding of eating disorders as serious, treatable illnesses” and the vision is to “unite eating disorder activists, professionals, parents/carers and those personally affected to promote worldwide knowledge of eating disorders and the need for comprehensive treatment.” All of this excites me. How amazing is it that we are calling global action in the fight against eating disorders? It’s possible that today could plant seeds of change in policies, attitudes, and knowledge of these illnesses all over the world.

There are 70 million people worldwide who struggle with eating disorders. (For reference that is more than the total populations of: UK-64m, Canada-35m, and Australia-24m).Within that group there are those with early interventions, knowledgeable treatment providers, great support, lower stigmas, and ultimately a good prognosis. This is sadly the minority. Instead, most with EDs deal with little to no public knowledge, a huge stigma/shame surrounding eating disorders and mental illness, no access to ED specific treatment or treatment at all, financial barriers if there are options available, feeling alone, and a lack of outside support, leading to a low chance of recovery.

I am very blessed to be in the former. I’ve seen a therapist since relatively early on. My parents have known a long time and are helpful and supportive (especially my mom <3). I also have some friends who are there for me. I live 45 mins from FV, where I have stayed inpatient and done PHP. It may not have been the greatest experience and quality of treatment but at least I had it. I was able to take off school to go into residential (which my insurance not only covered but paid for in full). I haven’t been denied any claims by insurance. I’ve switched therapists a few times to find the right fit and now have one at home and school. My dietitian is amazing and works specifically with EDs. I say I am lucky because all of this means I have greater chance at recovery. It still isn’t easy, but I also could never be where I am if I hadn’t had this support.

Eating disorder awareness is personal for me. I am forever changed by living with an eating disorder. This is for myself but also for the millions more struggling along with me. I know what it’s like. I know how serious these disorders are. I know how alone you feel. I know the hopelessness and being out of control. Because of this, I want use my voice to give others with eating disorders the ability to speak out, a society full of education without stigma, and treatment they so desperately need.

Assuming you aren’t struggling with an eating disorder, why should you care about raising awareness today at all?

  • If it isn’t you, it could be your family member, friend, neighbor, teacher, child, etc. In some populations, such as college, up to 1 in 4 people have EDs.
  • You may not know anything about eating disorders. While you may assume that’s just fine, consider how many people with eating disorders you’ll know over your life.
  • Others need education about eating disorders too.
  • People with eating disorders matter. They deserve acceptance, support, and professional help.
  • Eating disorders are extremely low on funding (which leads to less research, treatment, etc). Funding per person, according to NEDA’s 2011 study: Alzheimer’s-$88, Schizophrenia-$81, Autism-$44, EDs-$.93.
  • Eating disorders are serious and need intervention, which can only happen if we have a greater availability for quality treatment.
  • Better laws and policies regarding EDs are necessary to combat them.
  • Together we can change the lives of millions all over the globe.

My hope is that one day we won’t have any barriers with recognizing, treating, and supporting those with eating disorders. We cannot get there without a global, communal effort. Please join me and thousands more in the first World Eating Disorders Action Day!

To get involved:

  • Use #WeDoAct and #WorldEatingDisordersDay on social media
  • Share the 9 truths of eating disorders video
  • Spread awareness of the campaign, information about eating disorders, etc
  • More ideas here

For more information, please visit the official website, www.worldeatingdisordersday.org and blog http://worldeatingdisordersday.org/blog/

TFHR 5/30/16

reviving emily2 Comments

Thoughts

  • Lots about work… I am so lucky to work in an awesome Christian environment. My boss is great. I can’t wait for Joni and Friends, finding the weirdest stuff in rooms, having fun with my coworkers, and work being a great part of my summer. Its the best working with my brother Alec, like having “fights” and picking on each other.
  • I have so many things planned for summer, Slightly too ambitious? Perhaps. At the same time, it feels doable and will definitely keep me recovery-minded and busy.
  • I need to go to the beach and parks and take all of the photos.
  • I really seriously hope I can go to Michigan’s adventure this summer. I want to attempt Shivering Timber’s again, ride my favorite coaster 8 zillion times (while NOT sustaining a concussion), burn from going on the logger ride, fly on the trapeze, and pay $4 for one pop.
  • My aunt and her thing are ridiculous. The end.
  • Can my arm stop hurting? Also, can I not get hurt again for the remainder of at least this summer? That’d be a miracle.
  • I love sharing my story. It may be scary but all I’ve gotten is more confidence, the drive to help others, and freedom from guilt and shame.

Feelings

  • Love. For and from my coworkers, Milo, work  in general, brain game apps.
  • Exhausted. 3-4+ days of housekeeping a week. ‘Nuff said.
  • Destressed-ish. I’m still a hot mess who freaks out on the daily, but at least i don’t have school and everything else take more time I don’t have.
  • Excited. I’m really looking forward to have my first healthy summer in so many years.
  • Thankful. There are countless things I am grateful for. I have my job, living in a beautiful place, my family and animals, summer free from school, and being mostly free from ED/MH stuff. I am blessed.

Happenings

  • If you hadn’t guessed it by now, I started back at work. This time if not going to be held back by my eating disorder. I will take care of myself. I will eat enough. I will do my best. I will enjoy doing God’s work and make camps and conferences possible.
  • Our ducks came back to the pool!
  • Milo is super friendly suddenly and I’m pretty sure its because he is a super brat and needed the new huge cage to do so. Speaking of that, we did get him a Ferret Nation that’s only 2.5x the size of his old one. Did I mention he’s spoiled?
  • Milo and I are bonding and considering how snippy and scared he was before, its truly a small miracle. He definitely doesn’t hate me anymore!
  • Doing my summer photo journal has been really cool so far.
  • My sweet psych prof wrote the sweetest message on my life project.

Ramblings

  • If only everyone staying in a hotel room had the decency to clean up after themselves. Yes, we do deep cleaning but that is what we need to focus on, not washing dishes and food guests have left. I think its ridiculous to trash somewhere you’re staying just because. Housekeepers everywhere would seriously appreciate just a simple tidying up when you leave a hotel or cottage.
  • You may be going into nursing if… finding and downloading a medical app is the highlight of your week. I love Figure 1!!! It has images, scans, and descriptions of different case studies. There are also many where you guess what the correct diagnosis is. Its so freaking cool. I spent almost two hours on it last night because its fascinating. I feel like I am already learning more from finding out what different diseases look like.
  • My mom has officially surpassed me this week when it comes to worrying about medical issues. In truth, I haven’t been that way for a long time. I know what may be wrong but I don’t insist on a doctor visit or anything. My mom has had a cold maybe a week and a half. She is constantly asking if it is normal to have achy legs, whether she has pneumonia, why she feels weak, etc. Its pretty funny since she always told me not to be a hypochondriac but I get it :p