Giving Thanks – Nov 1

I am so focused on all that happens in my life, good and bad, that I never sit down to realize what blessings I already have. Even in the darkest of night and the deepest valleys, the Lord has provided for me again and again. I take for granted what I have and long for what I do not. If I only step back and open my eyes His gifts will be known abundantly. November is the month of Thanksgiving and gratitude.  Each day this month I will share something I am grateful for. “Come, Let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.” – Psalm 95:1-2

Today I am thankful for: GRACE

“Grace that is greater than all our sin

How AMAZING is that? God extends us grace for every sin we have made and will make for our entire lives. There is nothing too big for Him to forgive. We fail Him time and time and time again, but are always welcomed back into His loving arms.

I felt absolutely terrible waking up this morning. It was proof that I had screwed up once again. Eating breakfast would be the first meal in almost 18 hours and I wondered how I could work myself back to a recovery mindset. Before even eating said breakfast, I had already worked out countless ways I should/would/could have done instead of ending up where I was. I sat, trying to right yesterday’s wrongs and not re-wrong today’s rights. I began feeling guilty, disappointed, down, anxious, and hopeless. My hope for the day only existed with prerequisites: do everything right and maybe you’ll be okay.

My eating disorder works like this in many ways. If I am recovery-minded, I will not accept any actions that come from anorexia. Just the opposite is true if I am in my disorder. Either way, I am never okay with what I am doing. I feel like a giant failure. I cannot forgive myself, but instead I  am so hard on myself. I put things into black and white and never offer myself grace. What would happen if I did?

Grace would say: you had a bad day but you are free, forgiven, and today is a new day. Wow. This isn’t something I can truly comprehend. How could everything be wiped clean, just like that?

God give us this grace every day, every minute, every second into eternity. I am so very thankful that He has promised us this by the sacrifice of the Son. He calls us to extend that same grace to ourselves and each other. We are forgivable. We can be free. We deserve a second chance. 

I forget or choose not to show myself even a portion of grace that God gives me. Today, I will believe that I am not a lost cause. I will not beat myself up and play the “should/could/would” game. I will accept my imperfection in recovery. Today, grace will win because it wasn’t mine to take away in the first place.

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