Whelp. Ony half a week late on publishing this. This TFHR is all from last week’s experiences. On the coming Tuesday I should be abe to write about this week.

Thoughts

• How does a psychiatrist not know what to do and not do with patients who have an eating disorder? It’s pretty dang simple if you really think about it. Don’t tell them weights, mention that they could lose some and be fine, ask if they’re eating too much or healthy enough, etc.
• I still feel pretty jerky for Weds night choir practice. I was having a hard time learning it and when two girls offered to sing along by the piano I kinda bailed.
• Our bible study today was on being content and showing gratitude. This project I have is the perfect example of finding blessings in my life.
• I need to stop being lazy on my homework, but maybe it’s simply because I haven’t been eating enough. Hmm.

Feelings

• Sentimental. As it creeps closer to my one year admission to CFD, all of these emotions come up. I know I shouldn’t desire to go back. I realize I have to do everything right this time. I’m doing it without any higher form of treatment. The bad part is that I don’t have accountability. There have been many many highs and lows since coming home, but one thing’s for sure: CFD has changed me forever but I would head back in a heartbeat, even if I’m not sick enough to be there.
• Drained. I am physicality exhausted but the mental exhaustion is getting to me more. I can’t put full effort into anything and I have lost interest in all things. I am not myself when I’m in this funk and I have to rescue myself.
• Inspired. Each woman in the ED bible study is unique and shares their story that is never alike another. Their courage gives me the push to work hard and keep God in my recovery.

Happenings

• I bought Ensure. I’ve had a lot of negative emotions surrounding this, but Livvy directed me to this post I wrote. Now I can see that this is a good, pro-recovery choice.
• I had the worst day/night ever last night. I fell asleep once, woke up around dinner, decided not to eat, slept for another hour, decided not to get up, then slept for two hour periods all night long. I woke up early with super low blood sugar and shaking so bad I thought I could be having something very serious.
• My favorite coworker came home from college! It was wonderful seeing her at church Sunday. We caught up and laughed and fellowshipped with some other sweet girls.
• Another amazing week at my ED bible study. The lesson was on discontentment. These women are incredibly strong, open, and encouraging.
• Worked all days of this weekend. Blech. It’s not that I hate my job or anything. It’s hard to be super enthusiastic when I’m on call or others are being difficult during turns.
• Sang in the church choir without passing out or dying!

Ramblings

• I am so freaking ready for this stupid election to be over. I wish it would have been over with months ago. I don’t believe we have good candidates. Social media just makes everything worse. Now, you can share your opinion ASAP and watch as people argue and declare the you are no longer friends. Hearing about all of this at least one hundred times a day is so old. Pleas let it stop after next Tuesday.
• The professionals in my treatment team truly matter when it comes to my identity. A red flag with my old dietitian was her refusal to work with my goals very well. She discounted my beliefs all of the time. My new dietitian L is the opposite. She hears me and lets us decide my treatment together. I feel heard and respected. If only all dietitians, therapists, and psychiatrists were this way.