Tag: NEDA week

NEDA Week 2019 – old post reposts

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It’s technically after midnight here and already tomorrow, but I still wanted to get in a quick post before I head to sleep! I have had a super long day, so rather than write a longer post I decided to instead share links for all the NEDA week posts I’ve ever done! I promise to have new content tomorrow since I am oh so slightly less busy 🙂

NEDA week 2018 – Introduction & past posts

NEDA Week 2018 – Treatment myths and truths + an overview of options

NEDA Week 2018 – my anorexia struggle (it’s not what you think)

Also, bonus post that wasn’t NEDA week but is super relevant: Boycott the Before – Why transformation posts aren’t all that helpful

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NEDA Week 2018 – my anorexia struggle (it’s not what you think)

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I really love the theme Let’s Get Real because it opens up the opportunity for each individual story to be shared. Every person who struggles with an eating disorder is unique, yet we can also relate to one another. My story, along with everyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder, is important and needs to be told. Today I’ll be doing it in a little bit different way by sharing some stereotypes about anorexia that I don’t fit into.

I have anorexia, but…

  • I’m not underweight, emaciated, or anywhere close to it. In the 5+ years I’ve had this illness, I was only underweight for around 8-10 months. I came into treatment for the first time with a lower BMI, however; since then I’ve been in the normal range. I went to residential twice without even losing a substantial amount of weight because the outside representation doesn’t matter as much as how you’re struggling on the inside.
  • I don’t feel overly affected by the media. Do I think that what we see in the media influences self-esteem, diet culture, judgment of bodies, etc? Absolutely. Has it played a huge part in my life? No. I do compare myself to people in advertisements, but that happens as I’m walking around campus or the grocery store too. I know enough about how manipulated these photos can be that I basically just take them as false and made up.
  • You cannot tell just by looking at me. I don’t have the “typical anorexic body.” I don’t think anyone would be able to tell I have an eating disorder by analyzing my appearance. I may be thinner as behaviors increased, but I am nowhere near the image most think of when they picture anorexia. I am not alone in this. A huge number of those with anorexia and eating disorders in general don’t look like they have an eating disorder.
  • I have never used laxatives, diet pills, etc. I know many people who have turned to these measures in order to lose weight. It’s just an area where the eating disorder hasn’t fixated on. I definitely have felt that pressure, though.
  • I haven’t needed (or come close to needing) a feeding tube. There are some who wear their feeding tube as some special badge you’ll only receive if you’re a “very good anorexic/bulimic.” I’ve seen countless people and treatment friends who use this as profiles or brag about it. There have definitely been times that I felt like a fraud because I hadn’t been sick enough to receive one. I can see now that being malnourished enough to need artificial feedings isn’t something to be proud of, and I am more than 100% okay with not having one.
  • I’m not on the brink of death. More than any other eating disorder, I see a ton of images and stereotyping that someone with anorexia has to in a danger zone. In reality, complete organ failure and other fatal conditions don’t actually show up until a very critical point. Most people, like myself, are relatively medically stable.
  • I do not enjoy being this way. Eating disorders are often glamorized. I have been told that I must have great discipline in order to lose weight the way I did. In reality, anorexia has taken over my life and made me feel empty. When I’m deep in the ED I become a shell of myself. I would never wish this on anyone or encourage them to treat their body this way. It is absolutely miserable, expect for the brief moments where ED praises me for how “well” I’m doing. Anorexia is not just a way to effectively lose weight and bask in your shrinking body. It is a slow and painful suicide.

NEDA Week 2018 – Treatment myths and truths + an overview of options

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Fortunately, there are a variety of resources out there for eating disorders treatment. Unfortunately, there are many stereotypes, worries, and false speculations about what treatment actually involves. I think it’s so important that what really happens with treatment is put out there. I want to encourage others to seek help by showing that it isn’t quite as scary as you may believe. This will be two-fold: dismissing the myths and talking about what types of treatment are available. A note: most of the myths will pertain to groups, IOP, PHP, inpatient, and residential, considering many fears come from being around others with EDs.

Everyone will be underweight. I felt this way, too. The media perpetuates this by showing emaciated suffers and focusing on weight loss. The truth is that most eating disorders don’t need a weight diagnostic. Even those who struggle with anorexia, like myself, aren’t always underweight. I have met a huge variety of shapes and sizes in my treatment experience. The ED may tell you this is a lie, but I can pretty much promise it won’t be the case. Even if that were true, especially with inpatient, it doesn’t make your struggle any less. People have been nonjudgmental of weight in my experiences, too. Also, body type does NOT determine sickness at all.

I’m not sick enough. Whether this applies to residential, outpatient therapy, or even seeking help in general, it isn’t true. If you believe in any capacity that you may need help but simultaneously “don’t need it” given your perceived lack of severity, please still reach out. These are signs that point towards that. Your struggle is enough, period. You deserve help, period.

Going means I’m weak. Making the choice to get better is the absolute strongest thing you can do. Recovery is hard, there’s no sugar-coating it. Take that glimmer of hope and longing for things to be better. It’s worth it. You don’t need to continue living this way for 6 months, a year, or 20 years.

I’ll be the oldest, only guy, “least sick,” largest, etc. Eating disorders are very diverse. They affect all races, genders, socioeconomic statuses, ages, etc. Even  if you happen to be the only one in your specific group, you aren’t alone. There are millions just like you, and that can be comforting.

If I’m not in residential or inpatient that means I’m not really sick. Residential and inpatient are not some badge of honor that proves you’ve become bad enough to have an eating disorder. Most people never end up there and that has not a lot to do with their amount of struggling. The important thing is getting the level of care you need and receiving help ASAP, even if you “just” need outpatient.

I will just be constantly eating. It absolutely will feel like this sometimes, especially when in IP or residential at first. What you’ll soon realize, though, is that you have so much more than meals and snacks. You’re kept busy with groups and all of the activities that are going to help you grow in recovery. Eating is a necessary part of treatment but the other work you’ll do is just as important.

All we’ll talk about is eating. Holy hell thank God this isn’t true. Behaviors are surface level. There It’s like an iceberg. You see these awful things on the outside, when what’s causing all of it really needs exploration. I’ve never spent that much time focusing on the food, minus nutrition groups really. It’s just not the main focus, even though it is ultimately an outcome we’re working towards.

No one will believe I’m sick. The thing about treatment is that no professional would ever recommend it for someone they don’t believe is struggling enough to need it. You don’t go through assessments for no good reason. The fact that you go into treatment means that you need the help and that you are sick enough.

No one will ever understand. I was convinced of this when I was first sick. I never thought I would find people who truly got it. That immediately changed my first day of PHP. Suddenly I had 5+ other people who could relate to me so well. I think it’s one of the most beautiful things about treatment.

There will only be anorexics and maybe bulimics. I haven’t been in any treatment setting for very long before I met people who didn’t struggle with anorexia or bulimia. Many have EDNOS (now OSFED) or BED as well. Another thing I’ve learned is that I can connect with any of the diagnoses. It doesn’t matter what the official label you carry is or what your behaviors are. The underlying problems are very similar.

It will be too hard. This will stretch you big time. There will be tears, maybe lots of them. You’ll want to quit, sometimes every day for weeks. You’re not going to like it and will sometimes hate treatment. Regardless, you have the power to press on and keep fighting for yourself. If it were easy that wouldn’t bring change. Trust me, you CAN do this.

Now I want to give just a quick overview of treatment types, mostly based off of my own time there.

Outpatient therapy and dietitian. This is exactly what the name implies: seeing a therapist or dietitian in the office on a regular basis.

Outpatient groups. These groups are made up of many people with eating disorders and may be a therapy style, experiential, art, or other type of focus. I would say that support groups fall under here, too, although those are typically free of charge. These are both a good stepping stone for someone who has never been in a setting with others before. I think the connection and similarities you can find are very helpful.

Intensive outpatient – IOP. Typically IOP will be for around 5 hours a day, covering one meal and one snack. This varies by facility, of course. My center goes 11-4 three days a week. Besides meals and snacks, there are a few groups a day. Some offerings include group therapy, nutrition, experiential/outings, art, and yoga.

Partial hospitalization – PHP. This is similar to IOP but is more intensive. It usually runs for 2 meals and 1-2 snacks. I’ve been to one that was M-F 8:30-3:30 and another that ran every day 10:30-5:30. The setting can be a psych hospital, residential, or just an outpatient center. It allows for the most structure and support that doesn’t involve staying somewhere.

Inpatient – IP. Inpatient, like it sounds, involves being hospitalized, usually in a psychiatric unit or hospital. This is typically shorter term and mainly for stabilization. It’s required if there are any medical problems that would be difficult to manage in another setting. There is a full-time medical staff with 24/7 support as needed. People with other diagnoses are on the units as well. You attend ED groups and support groups part of the day and then general groups as well. Where I was, the average stay is 1-2 weeks and then step down to another level of care like PHP, or even going to residential.

Residential. This is the longest-term and most intensive treatment. Program size varies, but it involves living in a home-like setting for around 30 days minimum. You are completely removed from the environment that allowed you to grow sick. It’s a huge adjustment but also is very effective because of the radical change. Like IP, there is also 24/7 support, but not the same level of medical care. You have to be medically stable in order to be admitted. Sometimes they may bump someone to IP if they need it. Residential tends to be much less restrictive than inpatient. You are able to go outside, do outings, start back with some exercise, and even get solo passes.

Transitional living. For those who live far away and are unable to travel back and forth to treatment, some enters offer transitional housing. In my case, we lived in apartments not far from programming. It offered a supportive environment while still allowing autonomy. I did this after residential, which was a great way to slowly transition back to real life. Some places only do this for PHP, but others allow IOP patients to stay as well.

I hope that this information has been helpful. Feel free to contact me if you would like to know more about my experience or have any questions regarding treatment. I will try to help in any way that I can. 

 

NEDA week 2018 – Introduction & past posts

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Today kicks off NEDA (National Eating Disorders Awareness) week 2018! This is always one of my favorite times of the year. Teaching others about eating disorders and spreading awareness is something I’m very passionate about. This is my 4th year doing so in some capacity on my blog 🙂

I can’t promise a post every day, but I’ll definitely be doing as many as possible. I do have a ton of ideas

The theme this year is Let’s Get Real. Here is a blurb about it from the NEDA website:

Our theme this year is Let’s Get Real and our goal is to expand the conversation and highlight stories we don’t often hear. Our culture has complicated relationships with food, exercise, and appearance.

30 million Americans will struggle with a full-blown eating disorder and millions more will battle food and body image issues that have untold negative impacts on their lives.

But because of stigma and old stereotypes, many people don’t get the support they deserve. Join the conversation and help us raise awareness, bust myths, get people screened, and start journeys to healing.

NEDA website: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Eating disorders screening: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool

Eating disorders helpline: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

Here are some links to posts from previous NEDA weeks:

What is NEDA Week and why is it so important?

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It’s finally here! NEDA week – National Eating Disorders Awareness Week – is my absolute favorite time of the year. I am passionate about both eating disorder and mental health awareness, so I take every opportunity to do so. Here is a small blurb from NEDA’s website:

#NEDAwareness Week 2017

Spearheaded by the National Eating Disorders Association, the goal of National Eating Disorders Awareness (#NEDAwareness) Week is to shine the spotlight on eating disorders and put life-saving resources into the hands of those in need. This year’s theme is It’s Time to Talk About It and we’re encouraging everyone to get screened.

It’s time we take eating disorders seriously as public health concerns. It’s time we bust the myths and get the facts. It’s time to celebrate recovery and the heroes who make it possible. It’s time to take action and fight for change. It’s time to shatter the stigma and increase access to care. It’s Time to Talk About It!

My personal goal this week is not only to share all of these wonderful resources, but add my own content as well. My hope is that I am able to reach others and promote change in some way.

I will be posting this whole week on different topics. This is my 3rd year I’ve had this blog for NEDA week, and I want to make it the best one yet. Here are my posts from years past:

I will leave you with an interview from the director of my IOP clinic. She and a few others who are recovered spoke to our local news about eating disorders/NEDA week. I am so thankful for the resources I have right here in GR. Also, they are lighting the downtown bridge NEDA colors, the first and only landmark in Michigan to do so! II cannot wait to see things unfold this week!

NEDAW16 – Day 5: How to help

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Your daughter is diagnosed with an eating disorder after you’ve watched her struggle with food and exercise for months. An old friend finds herself in residential treatment. Your college roommate tells you about the disease that he’s had for years. A family member grows sick and turns to you for support.

No matter the situation, you’re left asking how you can help this person. As someone who has an eating disorder and knows what helps and doesn’t, I want to provide you with some ideas to help a loved one in their battle.

Listen. It’s simple but so effective. There’s a ton to say about your eating disorder. Sometimes all we need is to be heard and not necessarily be told much back.

Don’t make comments on their bodies. You may mean well, but the discomfort with our bodies so greatly play into the ED. What seems fine in your mind is twisted by the eating disorder.

Make them feel loved and supported. So often we don’t believe we are good enough. Even a simple “I love you and you deserve this” can be so helpful and remind us we aren’t the person we think we are.

Don’t prod them too much. It’s only from good intentions but this could push people away. They’ll talk to you if they need it for the most part. There are of course situations when inserting yourself into their life and creating change is necessary.

Know that you cannot fix them. You aren’t a mental health professional. You’re there for support but ultimately it’s up to the person struggling. Recovery is such a process learning to be kind to yourself.

Educate yourself. To help someone it only make sense that you try your hardest to relate to their struggles. It will make them feel much more comfort around you. Reading stories of those who have struggled can help put yourself in their shoes. 

Ask them what they need. Each person with an eating disorder is different. Some need accountability while others would rather just have someone support them in other ways. The only way to know the best way to approach your loved one is by finding out their needs. Sometimes, they won’t be able to answer it fully, but that’s okay too.

*Please note that these suggestions are not all-encompassing and that you will have to stretch yourself to accommodate your loved one. Support is the best thing you can give them. Its not easy to do but all you can do is try*

NEDAW16 – Day 4: To those silently struggling

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Today I want to talk specifically to those who are silently struggling. First off, I want you to know that my heart breaks for you. It is so incredibly painful to have an eating disorder and doing it alone makes everything so much harder. I’ve met so many people who have spent years or even a decade or more without a single person knowing their pain.

You are not alone. There are 30 million of us just in the US and millions more worldwide. We are all in this battle together! The eating disorder will isolate you and make you feel like you’re the only one in the world who is like you. It will attempt to convince you that no one will understand. It is a liar. There are so many support groups, blogs, and online communities where you can find others going through very similar circumstances. MentorConnect here is an amazing site that connects you to mentors who can help you on your recovery journey. A list of support groups all around the country and world through the NEDA website is found here. I am completely open to anyone contacting me through here as well.

Reaching out is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself. Silence can be deadly when it comes to eating disorders. At best, it isolates you and reinforces the aloneness feelings. There are infinite ways to reach out. Telling a trusted friend, parent, or other person close to you is great for physical support, which, in my opinion, is one of the most helpful forms. Support groups are a place to talk with others going through the same things and help each other along the way. I highly recommend professional help of some kind, most importantly a dietitian and therapist. NEDA has a list of treatment providers of all kinds here. Another place to find therapists is on Psychology Today’s site here. If neither of those have a therapist or center near you, calling a counseling center and asking for someone who is familiar with EDs. Whichever route you go, I know it can be scary. The truth is, however, once you overcome the fear you’ll find how beyond worth it reaching out will be.

Recovery is both possible and worth it. Being trapped in an eating disorder, you may feel broken, hopeless, and destined to be like this forever. This is so untrue. Each day you live in an eating disorder is one where everything you are and all aspects of your life are being consumed in darkness. Eating disorders are absolute hell. Recovery can be as well, but its the kind of hell that will not kill you like an eating disorder will. I have gained more than weight since beginning my recovery journey. I’ve discovered parts of myself I haven’t seen in years, rebuilt relationships, discovered freedom, experienced more joy than I ever thought possible, gained confidence, have begun healing my body, cared about myself more, and lived. I haven’t avoided really shitty days, lots of tears, and numerous relapses, but I still continue to get back up and choose recovery all over again. As a wonderful girl years into her journey told me recently, you can always go back to your disorder. You know exactly how to get there again, so why not try giving it up?

I will end this with one of my favorite songs that encompasses the kind of support and love I want to extend to each of you. Stay strong and give yourself a chance ❤

A few more resources you can explore:

NEDAW16 – Day 3: Real or not real?

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Real or not real? This is the question we need to ask ourselves when it comes to any belief surrounding eating disorders. This certainly isn’t the easiest thing, given how stigmatized eating disorders are. My hope is that this post will help you distinguish between the truths and lies.

REAL – Eating disorders don’t discriminate. When you’re asked to think of someone with an eating disorder, most likely you picture a white, adolescent or early adulthood middle or upper class woman who is stick thing. This image, although true for some, is not true for all. Eating disorder sufferers can be any race, body type, gender, sexual orientation, age, and socioeconomic background.

NOT REAL – You can determine if someone has an eating disorder and how “sick” they are just by looking at them. While there are some physical symptoms (dry skin, swollen cheeks, hair loss, brittle nails, bags under eyes, etc.), in general people with eating disorders look no different than anyone else. We are not all emaciated, and, in fact, most are within the “normal/healthy” range. Body weight and type is no determining factor. You can die from an eating disorder at any size. Even if you never get medically unstable, living each day with an ED is slowly killing you anyways. How sick, or severe the sickness is, is not something you can tell by appearance.

REAL – Treatment is essential to recovery. Just 1 in 10 people with eating disorders ever get treatment for them. Let that sink in a bit. If we were talking about cancer, diabetes, or basically any other illness, this fact would be considered outrageous. Just as treatment is necessary for any other disease its true for eating disorder recovery. Without treatment, most have no chance at all of recovering.

NOT REAL – Body image is the sole cause of eating disorders. Yes, body image can and does play a huge role for plenty of people with EDs. This is far from the only factor in the development of the disorders, however. There are so many possible underlying issues or situations including, but certainly not limited to depression, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, trauma, genetics, low self-esteem, perfectionism, dieting and stress.

REAL – Eating disorders are deadly. Around 20% of people diagnosed with eating disorders will die from either suicide or complications from the disorder. We lose someone to an eating disorder every 69 minutes, 23 people a day.

NOT REAL – Eating disorders go away after the bare minimum amount of treatment. Eating disorders simply don’t vanish that easily. We’ve had some treatment and therefor are expected to go back to a healthy relationship with food. Recovery takes so much more effort. It can be a very long time until you’re at a healthy place again, and that’s okay.

REAL – Eating disorders are NOT a choice. I really don’t understand why people would even consider for a moment that those with eating disorders would ever consciously choose to live that way. Its miserable, time-consuming, harmful to your body, and consumes you, leaving no room for anything in your life. Why would anyone pick that kind of life?

Please try to take this information with you. Everyone knows someone affected by an eating disorder and these truths and falsities will shape your interactions with them in a positive way.

NEDAW16 – Day 2: Please understand

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Recovery is a journey, not a destination.

I first began to truly pursue recovery around three and a half years ago. What’s happened since then is probably very confusing to most people. Weekly therapy visits, one month of partial ED treatment, another year of weekly therapy appointments, relapse with countless instances of near-hospitalization, worrying from parents and loved ones x1000, one week  inpatient, weekly dietitian and therapy appointments, very very bad relapse, 5.5 weeks residential, weekly therapy, biweekly dietitian, weekly ED support group.

I’m sure you might be wondering why I have had to go through all of that if I chose recovery so long ago. The simplest explanation is that you don’t just get to be recovered. You have to choose recovery and live that out every single day for either the rest of your life or until it isn’t even a choice anymore.

The beauty in recovery, which also may be considered a downfall to many on the outside, is that it isn’t all or nothing. No one is required or expected to be perfect in recovery. There are good and bad days but the idea is to slowly head in an upward trend.

For me, last night was a great example of this. I have done basically everything “right” since the day I walked into treatment. I used my skills and not behaviors, ate as a whole around 95% of my meal plan, exercised only moderately. I was by no means perfect but I still prided myself in how well I was doing.

Yesterday was fine until sometime between lunch and dinner. That morning I had eaten 100%, as usual. I was dealing with negative body image thoughts and just felt off. In the afternoon I decided to have one of my cookies I baked. That moment something switched in my brain and I suddenly had fear of all types of foods. I went down to dinner but only got what used to be my normal sized meal last semester. By the time I hit pm snack and counted up my exchanges, I had hit a little over half of what I need in a day. Its unbelievable how fast these thoughts can lead to actions and send you back down that dark hole that is relapse. I am not going there, not today. Instead, I cracked open the dreaded Ensure plus and sipped away.

Today, I am continuing to make steps to avoid another slip up the next time I have such strong thoughts. I’m not letting myself feel shame or doubt over a bad day. If you think of recovery as a journey where you follow a very long and winding road, I just went off into the gravel a bit. That doesn’t mean I have to give up and start over. I’ll keep on going, one foot in front of the other.

If recovery were just a destination, you’d think some people would have reached it by now, right? Sometimes I really wish it were that easy. There isn’t some magical point where you hit recovered and never have to deal with any of this again. It is a lifelong commitment. The path has twists, turns, and setbacks unique to each person, but also love, joy, and freedom.

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. I hope you take this to heart. If you’re recovering, know you aren’t in this alone and that you are making the best choice you can for yourself, even when its hard. There may not be an end in sight, but the path you’ve chosen will lead you to a more beautiful and full life than you can ever imagine. To those of you who don’t have an eating disorder, please remember this. Be conscientious of how much work recovery takes and know that it doesn’t ever end. Keep supporting those who are in recovery, whether it be two days or ten years since they began.

 

What one thing would you choose to tell others about living with an eating disorder? Let me know below!

NEDAW16 – Day 1: 3 minutes to save a life

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Today is the start of NEDA (National Eating Disorder Awareness) Week! The theme this year is “3 Minutes Can Save a Life.” A free questionnaire screening for eating disorders and disordered eating is available and can alert either of these problems in around three minutes. The NEDA website also has a ton of information on EDs, treatment options, signs someone may be suffering, how to help people you know with an eating disorder, and much more. www.nedawareness.org

 

When I first discovered that maybe my “problem” with food, exercise, and body image was more than it seemed, I was scared. I had no clue what it meant, or if I was one of “those people” with eating disorders. I combed through articles and diagnostic criteria. For a few days, my mission became discovering as much as I could about eating disorders, hoping to disprove that I could ever have one. I read through well over a hundred stories, trying to use them to show I wasn’t sick. I couldn’t be. I saw images of others, of how dead they seemed when you looked in their eyes. Mine matched, but I couldn’t see it.

In the end, none of these things really helped me. Many of the stories resonated with me but none was convincing enough to prove I was sick, at least in my eyes. I am the type of person who needs research, which I had plenty of, but also concrete results. I wasn’t okay with the “well maybe you have an eating disorder” answer. So I sought proof.

What I came up with was a screening on NEDA’s site very like the one made for eating disorder awareness week this year. After wondering and worrying and disbelief I had my answer: yes I most likely have an eating disorder and need to seek treatment. And thus began my recovery journey.

I tell you this little story because I believe it really captures why we so desperately need to share this new screening tool. If I had come upon this sooner, before I was actually told that I probably had an eating disorder, maybe I could have been in treatment earlier. If my mom, dad, or one of my friends who knew had seen this, they could have directed me to it as well. Earlier detection and placement in treatment means a greater chance of recovery. It truly can take just three minutes to change or even save a life, thanks to NEDA’s screening tool. We need only spread the word and make sure as many people as possible gain access.