Resilience.

We had elder prayer for our final bible study last Tuesday. There were five elders from the church who came and prayed over each person individually. They had us write our names and one word/phrase to pray for. Resilience was mine. It is something I hold close and always try to remember when times are tough. I knew that was exactly what I need prayer over right now.

I have always pictured resilience in the same way. This goes back to my Forest View round 1 days. The group leader had a lesson on resilience which featured a picture of a tiny plant growing in a crack in the sidewalk. That’s what I think of, someone who grows out of an impossible situation and is able to overcome it. My phone background has been this photo for over two years now to remind me of my own resilience.blogity

As the elders began praying over me, I realized how different of a meaning resilience could take on. One of them gave the image of a bungee jumper. You would fall and struggle almost to the point of no return. Just before you hit bottom, the Lord will rescue you. I really love this analogy. I can bounce back from even the hardest things in life

Resilience has infinite meanings and is different for each person. I will strive to be resilient each day. A few of my favorite examples/definitions:

  • The capacity to prepare for disruptions, recover from shocks and stresses, and adapt and grow from a disruptive experience.
  • Bending not breaking
  • Bouncing back
  • “When you decide to give up on giving in” – Todd Carmichael
  • The ability to recover quickly from difficulties
  • You fail but keep on going

Ways I can practice resilience:

  • not giving up after having a hard day/week
  • use coping skills when I need them
  • reach out to others
  • listen to my treatment team as they push me forward in my recovery
  • giving myself grace
  • prayer and strength from God
  • leaning on my support people

 

How do you see resilience and practice it in your life?

Worn

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

I honestly don’t have words right now, but this song is my prayer and encompasses all I’m feeling currently.

Blech

Today didn’t go like I wanted. I sit here miserable because I followed Ed so much but also unwilling to do anything different. I know what I have to do to recover but I can’t bring myself to do it. It is the most frustrating thing I’ve experienced.

At some point I’ll have to stop being in this limbo and choose recovery. I’m not too sure what needs to happen for me to get there. I’m already doing a lot to gather support and help, I just don’t put it all into action. This has irrational thinking behind it but to me its all I know.

This week, I have prayed and will continue to pray for guidance. I want to give up my power to Him. I’m not doing well and if I keep going I’ll be in the hospital by the end of the month. I know God has a plan and knows exactly what will get me out of this place. I just have to trust Him over Ed.

Dear Lord,
I am so sorry I’ve strayed and not worked hard in recovery. I am letting Ed come before you and your plan for my life. Please help me put You first. I need your hand to guide me the right way. I so badly need you now Lord. Help me come back to you and give up my control in my eating disorder.
Amen.

A prayer for my youth girls

Dear Lord,

Protect them. Keep them safe in this crazy world. When they do have troubles, show them You will always be there. I know that they will feel hurt but please allow them to always see Your plan even through the hardships.

Let them always believe that they are enough. There is so much pressure to find fault in themselves. They will have to battle these thoughts often, maybe even everyday. That is not how You see them though. They were all created in Your image. They are beautiful, inside and out. In the moments of self-doubt or even self loathing may they remember how perfect they already are and how much You love them.

Keep them safe from the terrors of mental illness and eating disorders. One of my hugest fear is that any of them will have to go through the things I have. Allow me to be a support if any of them are on those paths now and show them that there is hope and freedom in You.

If and when they experience heartbreak, remind them that they are already loved by the only man who truly matters, You. You already know who their match will be. Let them overcome any pain that boys may cause. In times where love feels hopeless, let Your love shine on them.

If they ever stray away from You, help guide them back. It can be so hard to have faith, especially in times of hardship. Allow them to seek Your guidance in these times and grow close to You again.

Lastly, help me to let Your light shine as I am with them these next few years. I pray that I will continue to grow as I am a positive role model and influence on them. I know that You have given me this opportunity for a reason. Allow me to be whatever they need.

Amen.