God is constantly blessing me beyond what I deserve. This weekend has been no different. There are three ways in particular I’d like to share, all stemming from situations I felt would go the opposite way.
Friday was a rough day. I woke up late and wasn’t feeling well. I went to my first dietitian appointment (she is fabulous, thankfully!) and had three lectures before finally eating lunch and crashing in my room. I was weak, had a headache, and so exhausted that I decided I couldn’t go to Chaos Night. Immediately I felt a pang of guilt for not going home that day since I only stayed to go to that event. I late got over that because what happened Friday night was so much better. My roommate and I went to dinner with another girl on our floor and then decided to have a study party in her room. Those two hours with them was the first huge blessing. We spent the time worshiping and sharing some of our stories and God’s greatness. Although I wasn’t quite ready to tell either them about the hard parts of my story, I felt God’s urging to do so. I fully believe that without our mini party the next blessing wouldn’t have come at all. My roomie and I headed back to our room where I got a very sweet text from J. I started bawling and headed to the bathroom to hide it. The tears never stopped flowing so she asked what was wrong. I was extremely reluctant. I didn’t know how to start. How can you really explain that you’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, self harm, anorexia, self hatred, etc for most of your life? I decided to just tell a little bit of it and exactly why I was crying that night. I explained that I was thankful for the fact that I was at college because just three weeks prior I checked into FV for eating disorder treatment and wouldn’t have lasted long there without the help. My roommate was so amazing about it all. She wants to help be a support any way she can. I went to bed crying that night because suddenly I was not alone. I had someone who knew, even if I hadn’t yet shared all the details. I had someone who cared and would help lift my spirits and anything else she was willing. God blessed me doubly that night.
Today was my third unexpected blessing. I woke up, terrified of heading to church for many reasons. I won’t get into the why’s of that, but I will tell you my heart was cold and walls were up. I wanted no part in it. I can’t remember the last time I went to a service without truly singing, writing notes, or opening my bible until today. I wanted to go straight home and isolate. Just as my family was leaving the sanctuary, a woman from our church pulled me aside. She’d seen my FB posts along with the small blurb in the prayer chain about me. She knew about the ED and treatment. I was really happy for her asking me how I was doing and all, but then she shared something I never expected: she had an eating disorder too. She mainly struggled in high school and college, but to this day deals with body image/self love/ED thoughts. We hugged and prayed. She even gave me her number if I ever need anything. I am not alone. I am so not alone and I have another support.
God’s plan is glorious, even when I don’t think any good can come of situations like this weekend. He constantly shows me how wrong I am to always expect the worst. He is faithful and He give us blessings where we never thought possible. I am so thankful.