Sometimes it’s in the seemingly small things that truly become large before you realize it.
Last week, I picked up my art kit. Inside was an expensive pencil sharpener. I didn’t think off any use for it other than sharpening my pencils. This whole weekend I opened up to the girls about my struggles, gave them advice, listened to what they were going through, and genuinely connected with them; all the while the disordered thoughts screamed at me to stop. Saturday, I caught myself body checking and stopped so I could worship our amazing God instead. Yesterday I didn’t have the urge to hoard away some pills after my dad left out a bottle on accident. Today, I have bounced back to a better eating pattern after a more restrictive diet at camp, despite Ed throwing a fit.
These things wouldn’t have been possible before. Although it’s hard and so weird for me, I am a little proud of myself. I am changing every single day and becoming happier, healthier, and closer to full recovery.
Edited because I totally didn’t remember to put this in… today marks one year since I ended up in the ER on the scariest day of my life. I had ODed (nonprescription fyi) and felt like I was dying. I was in such a bad place that I wanted to die at some points. I am so thankful I didn’t and that I am now not even close to the person I was. I am living. I am starting to thrive and not just survive. This is progress.